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Some Thoughts on the Patriarchy

  • Aug 28, 2025
  • 4 min read

Updated: Sep 9, 2025

Ok - honestly, that would probably take wayyyyy longer than one post.


This is really about an experience I had yesterday related to marketing within the patriarchy...which we are all doing if we have our own business or are selling anything.


I'll start out by saying I don't market to men. At all.


Can I help men?


Sure.


Do I have clients who are men?


Some. I'm extraordinarily picky about who those men are.


So none of my marketing is directed at men.


Because in this phase of my life and business, I'm here to help women step into their power and my ideal private client happens to be a midlife woman who's been burnt out by the corporate capitalistic system that supports the patriarchal system we all live in.


Along those same lines, anyone I hire will be a woman or working within a woman-owned/women-majority business. I'm here to help women rise whether they're paying me or I'm paying them.



Like many of you, I get a ton of messages in LinkedIn. So many people who are 'intrigued by' my profile...or 'looking to connect with like-minded' professionals send me messages every week.


I know they're selling something and I can appreciate that. I typically ignore the messages from men (see earlier paragraph), but every now and then, I'll engage with one who stands out from the crowd.


This particular gent framed the meeting (that he requested) as a getting to know you conversation. Or more accurately, "I'd love the opportunity to know you better on a call to learn more about you and your business and see if there is some alignment with each other directly or through our networks."


So, when I was in a zoom meeting with him and he asked me who my ideal client is, my first thought was that he either hadn't done any online research about me or he didn't care to remember it.


"I work with women in midlife who are struggling with burnout," I responded.


He asked me what I thought was burning them out.


I said, "The patriarchy."


He asked me about my business offerings. I told him it's a combination of healing, mindset work and fuck the patriarchy delivered in a variety of formats - mostly one-on-one at the moment.


He asked how I got clients and I shared that my business has been referral-only to this point. He said he would never recommend that as a client acquisition strategy.


In his shoes, I would have probably asked how things are working for me before giving any advice...but different strokes, I suppose.


So far he hadn't been looking at me during the meeting. I imagine his camera was set up on one monitor and my video was showing up on the other one - thus allowing me a view of the side of his face for the most part.


He paused and turned towards his camera. "You think the patriarchy is burning your clients out?"


In retrospect, this is when I probably should have ended the meeting but I was curious about where this would go.


"Yes - and corporate capitalism, which is a result of and supports the patriarchy."


He was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "I'm not sure if you're open to hearing this but that messaging is off-putting. Would you be open to a reframe?"


Honestly, not at all. And not to split hairs but that isn't the exact messaging I use for marketing.


He told me I should consider speaking from my understanding of a situation rather than my conclusions about it.



What jibberjabber is that? I spoke from both.


My messaging is off-putting by design. It's off-putting to people who are not my ideal client.


I am very comfortable saying those things. I use my messaging, marketing, and discovery calls as filters. This tactic saves me a ton of time and I don't waste anyone else's time.


I'm not here to help everyone. I'm here to help the people who need me, specifically.


But in that meeting...when a man told me something about me was off-putting - there was still a part of me that immediately felt like I should be smaller. I should listen to his wisdom.



The meeting wound down fairly shortly after that.


He talked and I nodded. I was fully disengaged.


He told me he'd drop a link to his calendar into the LinkedIn message so I could schedule another time for him to pitch to me.


He also said, again, that he wasn't sure I was open to hearing how a reframe could help me.


What I heard was this: he was going to show me how to package my words so men/everyone would like them and if I didn’t play along, I was simply ‘not ready,’ like I was the less evolved one.



My emotions felt gross. Like I had done something wrong.


That is the fucking patriarchy, AND my filter, at work.


He didn't send the link until quite a bit later and I assumed he had determined - accurately - that we were not a good match. BUT THEN HE SENT IT!


He apparently decided that telling someone their messaging is off-putting during an initial call worked. Or at least it was worth a shot.



I'm sharing this to help anyone who struggles to speak their truth when it doesn't align with the patriarchy....or everybody.


Do it anyway.


Use your story in your marketing and your voice in your messaging.


You only need to attract your ideal client and the only way they can find you is if you're authentically you.



Still looking for the right marketing support.


Not because a random guy didn’t like my messaging.


Because he didn’t get that it wasn’t meant for him.


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